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I always envisioned St. Valentine to be a kind and gentle old Roman, probably with a wispy white beard and a warm smile, akin to the image of Santa Claus, only without the reindeers and yearly obligation to deliver presents. I imagined the origins to be a beautiful tale of gigantic romantic proportions filled with honest, wholesome affection, littered with happiness, joy and love.

How wrong was I…

Stone the bugger!

One of the many suspected St. Valentine was apparently a temple priest living in the 3rd century AD. The poor lad was executed near Rome by the anti-Christian Emperor Claudius II on Feb 14th. Why? He helped Roman soldiers to marry when they were forbidden to by the Christian faith at the time. Like an olden day Cilla Black.

Oh, and Claudius might have gotten pissed off with ol’ Valentine because the Saint refused to renounce his faith (and might have tried  repeatedly to convert the emperor). In an act of extreme temper tantrum, the emperor ordered St. Valentine to be beaten with clubs and stones and beheaded. Stroppy like the Queen of Hearts from Alice in Wonderland.

Blood, milk and gore…

Another story says it was Pope Gelasius I who dedicated Feb 14th to St. Valentine in the 5th century. He apparently chose to combine St. Valentine’s Day with the traditional Roman feast of Lupercalia, a pagan fertility festival popular at the time.

The pagan fertility celebration included all kinds of seedy, violent and odd rituals – mixing blood, milk and gore with a lot of alcohol. Some of the fun activities people go up to during the celebrations included:

  • Sacrificing goats and dogs, and then having the blood of those animals smeared with knives on the foreheads of two youths, who were obliged to laugh and wipe the blood off with wool dipped in milk. 
  • Whipping young women with  hides of the sacrificed animals, which were then stretched and made into thongs. It was believed that this would make them fertile and improve the birthing experience. Makes sense to me.
  • There was a matchmaking lottery, where young men would draw the names of women from a jar. The couple would then be, let’s say, hooked up for the duration of the festival, or longer, if the match was a good’un.

Unsurprisingly, the church was very keen to get rid of these weird traditions with something a lot more wholesome, so the festival gradually became a lot more tame. 

St. Valentine’s Day became a focus of attention and gradually transformed as the years went on.

It’s sexy time

So, although you might associate Valentine’s with exchanging love notes and stuffing your face with heart-shaped chocolates, its roots are a lot more raunchy.

And what do we do at DeadHappy upon discovering that Valentine’s Day started off as a story of x-rated proportions? We delve into the naughty locker to find some of the raciest, rudest and risque deathwishes. I just hope no one at work is monitoring my search history.

WARNING: For adult eyes only


Gotta love an overestimation

I want my ashes to be made into a dildo. So I can disappoint her even when I’m gone. The dildo MUST not be any bigger than 7.5 inches. Otherwise she will wish me off herself.


Nice to know there’s options

He’d pay off our mortgage. Or hire loads of prostitutes, whatever.


You’ll probably end up looking a bit like Pinocchio when it’s cold

Tattoo my face on your breast (nipple for nose).


Lots of sniffs instead of sniffles…

Get new underwear….you are going to need them as i want all your current underwear in my coffin…..used!!!!!


Is that a question or a statement?

I’m a perv and I don’t care. Put your underwear in the coffin with me and use the money to buy new. Bra over eyes please??


Ah, yes… the famous imperial measurement ‘fuck ton’.

For my wake – Strippers. Fuck tons of strippers. Male and female.


As long as you’re fine with that.

At my wake, I want a fire breathing stripper(s) but depending on the venue, I’ll be fine with fire eating burlesque.


I wonder who should do the audition process

I’d like it to be carried down the aisle by muscular men wearing just speedos. Big bulges essential.


Reading this got you in the mood? For deathwishes that is…

Create your kinky deathwish

Ultimate acts of love

According to Buddha, “Those whose minds are shaped by selfless thoughts give joy when they speak or act.” What a wise bloke. In celebration of Christmas and a time of giving, we’ve racked our selfish, human brains to find the nicest, most selfless things you can give.

A cuppa and a chat

Put the kettle on this Christmas and have a chat with someone you love. It’s always a good time to talk about mental health and any concerns you have. 1 in 4 people are affected by mental health problems in their life. That’s someone in your family, or in your car, or who sits opposite you at work. Or it’s you. There are great resources out there if you don’t want to talk to someone you know. Check these out:

Death cleaning

The new year is coming, and it’s time for life admin. The Swedish have a word for it: döstädning. It means ‘death cleaning’ and it’s how the Swedes take care of the future without them in it. They clear out their crap to make life easier for their loved ones when they die. We’re not wishing the ultimate demise on you of course, but having your admin sorted can give you an incredible peace of mind and have you enjoy your life more. Tried and tested.

Inspired? Then chuck out your chintz and make room for the stuff that matters: like life insurance. We believe life insurance is the ultimate act of love and the best thing you can leave behind. Much better than a creepy clown statue, anyway.

Your time

Without being preachy or anything, your time is a precious gift. Just because you can’t put it under the tree doesn’t mean it can’t be the perfect present. Find a cause that makes your heart sing, like giving to a food bank or volunteering with a soup kitchen, and give your time generously. It’s what Buddha would have wanted.

A meaningful gift

Whether it’s a, erm, toy built in your image, or sending your mates on a holiday to Ibiza, you can make a unique deathwish with DeadHappy. Not a nihilistic suicide quest, but a statement of your deathly intentions – an expression of your final wishes. We ask one question: what do you want to happen when you die? Then it’s up to you to decide what you want, and get it insured so we can make it happen.

Ready to start

On November 27th, 1895, a Mr. Alfred Nobel signed his last will at the Swedish-Norwegian Club in Paris, France. Little did he know it would cause so much trouble!

After it was opened and read after his death, on the 10th December 1896, ripples went through Sweden and the whole world. Why, you ask?

Alfred’s dying wish

To put it in DeadHappy terms, it was his deathwish that caused the hoo-ha.

Controversially Alfred left much of his wealth for the invention of a prize…The Nobel Prize. His family opposed the creation of it and the prize awarders that he had named refused to do what he had requested in his will. 

After much ado and convincing by the executors, on the 5th anniversary of his death in 1901, the first Nobel Prize was finally awarded and shared.

Winners of the Nobel Prize

Nobel Prize Day is observed annually on December 10.

Some of the more household names that have won a Nobel Prize previously are Marie Curie, Theodore Roosevelt, Albert Einstein, George Bernard Shaw, Winston Churchill, Ernest Hemingway, Martin Luther King, Jr., the Dalai Lama, Bob Dylan, Mikhail Gorbachev, Nelson Mandela and Barack Obama. 

But in true DeadHappy style, I’m not gonna talk about all the incredible people that have won the Nobel Prize and their massively important contributions to physics, chemistry, medicine, literature, and peace. 

In fact, the original plan was to do exactly that, however whilst researching Nobel Prize winners, I came across something which grabbed my attention and I found myself down quite an entertaining rabbit hole…..

Please welcome to the Nobel Prize’s mischievous evil twin, the Ig Nobel Prize…

From its creation in 1991, the Ig Nobel Prize has annually awarded a satirical prize to celebrate ten unusual or trivial achievements in scientific research. It’s aim is to ‘honor achievements that first make people laugh, and then make them think.’ Ultimately to celebrate the unusual, honor the imaginative, commemorate the weirdness and spur people’s interest in science, medicine, and technology.

So I’ve researched the prize winners from every year since 1991, just for you, and have picked out some of the best (in no particular order). See what you think…


#1 IG NOBEL PRIZE WINNER

Defying gravity

The 2009 Ig Nobel Prize in Physics was shared by three American researchers – Katherine K. Whitcome, Daniel E. Lieberman and Liza J. Shapiro – for their analytical explanation of ‘why pregnant women are not constantly tipping over.’


#2 IG NOBEL PRIZE WINNER

I gotta peeling.

The 2014 Ig Nobel Prize in Physics was shared by four researchers – Kiyoshi Mabuchi, Kensei Tanaka, Daichi Uchijima, and Rina Sakai – for explaining the physics behind the issue that has plagued cartoon viewers for decades – slipping on a banana peel – why are they so damn slippery?.


#3 IG NOBEL PRIZE WINNER

I don’t believe it!

Professor Emeritus John documented ‘All the Things that Annoyed Him.’ He published the data on his annoyances in more than 80 detailed academic reports. Some of the highlights included, the percentage of young people wearing baseball caps “with the peak facing to the rear rather than to the front” and the percentage “of shoppers who exceed the number of items permitted in a supermarket’s checkout lane.” He received the 2003 prize in Literature, grumpy sod.


#4 IG NOBEL PRIZE WINNER

What a load of bollocks.

Roger Mieusset and Bourras Bengoudifa were awarded the anatomy prize for testing the testicle temperatures in clothed and naked men. They found that in some postal workers, bus drivers, and other clothed men, the left knacker is warmer than the right, while in some naked men, the opposite is true. They suggest that this discrepancy may contribute to asymmetry in the shape and size of male gonads.


#5 IG NOBEL PRIZE WINNER

Why do wombats sh*t a perfect cube?

In the final 8 percent of a wombat’s intestine, poo transforms from a liquid-like state into a series of small, solid cubes. Lovely! 

Patricia Yang, David Hu, and their team inflated the intestines of two dead wombats with long balloons to discover that the shape is caused by the elasticity of the intestinal wall, which stretches at certain angles to form cubes. 

For solving the mystery, Yang and Hu took home the physics award for the second time—they also won in 2015 for testing the theory that all mammals can empty their bladders in about 21 seconds. Good to know!


#6 IG NOBEL PRIZE WINNER

Now let me hear ya say wayoh-way-oh!

In 2000, Ig Nobel awarded their Peace prize to the British Royal Navy.

In protest to budget cuts of their ammunition at their training camps, Royal Navy gunners began shouting ‘BOOM’ through microphones to imitate the firing of cannons during training exercises.

Although some in the British Parliament questioned the “quality” of this training, the Ministry of Defense insisted it gave the most “bang” for government bucks.


#7 IG NOBEL PRIZE WINNER

Dogging

In 2002, Japanese scientists Keita Sato, Dr. Matsui Suzuki, and Dr. Norio Kogure won the Ig Nobel for Peace for their work in promoting interspecies communication.

They created a device called Bow-Lingual, a computer-based dog-to-human translator. It identifies dog barks as one of six different emotional categories and includes info on understanding the emotions of a dog’s body language. These two things combined helps an owner to how to best serve their pooch.

No more of that lost in interspecies translation nonsense! It was described as the best invention of 2002 by Times magazine and received many celeb backers such as Oprah Winfrey.


#8 IG NOBEL PRIZE WINNER

Walt Whitman’s dream

The 2016 Ig Nobel in Biology had two winners, UK scientists Charles Foster and Thomas Thwaites.

They both spent lengthy periods of time living as animals so they could get a better understanding of our fellow creatures’ lifestyles. Foster spent time as a badger, an otter, a deer, a fox, and a bird, eating as each creature would eat and living as it would live. Thwaites oddly created prosthetic extensions for his limbs so he could roam the hills among goats.

Both men wrote books about their experiences and were awarded for their service to interspecies relations. Hope they just stuck to eating and ‘living’ aye!


#9 IG NOBEL PRIZE WINNER

Big socks?

In 1993, Jerald Bain of Mt. San Hospital in Toronto and Kerry Siminoski of the University of Alberta took on the classic innuendo: “You know what they say about big feet?”

Their 1993 paper, “The relationships among height, penile length, and foot size,” set out to “determine whether ‘folk myths’ regarding the relationships of penile size to body height and foot size have any basis in fact.”

However, in true myth-busting style, the two scientists found that there is absolutely no correlation between foot size and penis size. They won the 1998 Ig Nobel in Statistics for their hard work.


#10 IG NOBEL PRIZE WINNER

Birds and the bees.

Ostrich farmers around the world can thank UK biologists N. Bubier, Charles G.M. Paxton, Phil Bower, and D. Charles Deeming for their work on ostrich courtship behavior (or not).

In simple terms, they found that ostrich’s loved a bit of voyeurism. And came to the conclusion that the big birds got a lot more frisky if a human was watching. But stated that the farmers would have to stay for the duration of the love making or they would lose interest and stop.

Their research was worthy of the 2002 Ig Nobel in Biology.


#11 IG NOBEL PRIZE WINNER

Dolled up

Ellen Kleist of Greenland and Harald Moi of Norway won the 1996 Ig Nobel in Public Health.

Their work documented the first-known case of gonorrhea passed through an inflatable doll. Their 1993 article told the curious tale of a lonely sailor getting an STI at sea. The doctors were dumbfounded as there was no women on the boat, the sailor denied a homosexual encounter and they had left the port over two weeks before symptoms began, which ruled out that.

The sailor hesitantly solved the mystery by revealing a romantic liaison with a blow up doll. Spoiler alert, the blow up doll wasn’t monogamous. Ewww!


#12 IG NOBEL PRIZE WINNER

Mama o-o-o-ooooo

It is normal practice for pregnant women to play music towards their bellies for their developing fetus with hopes their new child will be born with an appreciation for their musical taste.

The Obstetrics Ig Nobel was awarded to Spanish researchers who used ultrasound to track fetal facial expressions in response to music. 

And here’s where it gets interesting/weirder: 

The music was played on speakers placed on the stomach, or wired in a tampon-like device and inserted the woman’s vagina. 

They discovered that babies seemed to prefer the intra-vaginal music device, as the researchers detected more fetal mouth movement. It wasn’t mentioned which method the moms-to-be preferred. However, the research has led to a patented Fetal Acoustic Stimulation Device: otherwise known as the Babypod. Crikey!


#13 IG NOBEL PRIZE WINNER

Ding dong dash!

The governments of India and Pakistan bagged the Ig Nobel Peace prize in 2020 for having their diplomats ring each other’s doorbells in the middle of the night, and then run away before anyone had a chance to answer the door.

Who’d have thought knock-a-door run (or whatever you called it when you were younger) would turn political.


#14 IG NOBEL PRIZE WINNER

You do it, no you do it, no you!

The Ig Nobel Management prize in 2020 went to five Chinese professional hitmen who managed a contract for a hit job (a murder performed for money) in the following way:

After accepting payment to perform the murder, Xi Guang-An then instead subcontracted the task to Mo Tian-Xiang, who then instead subcontracted the task to Yang Kang-Sheng, who then instead subcontracted the task to Yang Guang-Sheng, who then instead subcontracted the task to Ling Xian-Si, with each subsequently enlisted hitman receiving a smaller percentage of the fee, and nobody actually performing a murder. ‘Professional!’


#15 IG NOBEL PRIZE WINNER

Fuzzy duck

In 1995, Kees Moeliker heard a loud bang coming from the Natural History Museum Rotterdam’s new wing. Turns out it was a bird hitting the glass exterior. As curator of the museum, Kees was used to this as it happened regularly. However this day was different, this bird’s final flight changed his life. Let me explain why.

Soon after the male duck died, a live male duck from the same species approached it, mounted it and well, ‘ducked’ it for over an hour.

Moeliker did what any normal person would do at this point – he grabbed his camera and his notebook and recorded exactly what happened. His bizarre observations turned into a paper aptly titled ‘The first case of homosexual necrophilia in the mallard Anas platyrhynchos.’ In 2003, this work was rewarded with the Ig Nobel Prize in Biology.

What a quacking one to end on…


Now to the prize…

Each recipient of the Ig Nobel prizes each receive a pointless cash prize, a now obsolete $10 trillion Zimbabwean dollar note and are handed out by actual Nobel Prize (the real one) winners at Harvard University. 

In most cases winners will go to the ceremony to collect their prize in person (they have to pay for their own travel there) and as with traditional award ceremonies, they are invited to give a speech. During that speech, Miss Sweetie Poo, a little girl, repeatedly cries out, “Please stop: I’m bored”, in a high-pitched voice if speakers go on too long. 

The audience are encouraged to throw paper airplanes onto the stage during the ceremony and thousands tune into the weirdness online every year.

The awards ceremony is traditionally closed with the words: “If you didn’t win a prize – and especially if you did – better luck next year!”

Sounds like a riot, think I might tune in next year…

Leaving money for a pet.

Since introducing deathwishes to the world, we’ve seen over a whopping 120,000 created to date! Some are thoughtful, caring and emotionally charged, some are weird and wonderful, some are incredibly imaginative and some are just plain crazy. We welcome them all.

One trend we’ve noticed is a growing number of deathwishes which are related to beloved pets. I thought it might be interesting to show you some later, but firstly let’s look at some of the most famous legacies, last will and testaments left by some animal obsessed peeps.


I knew you were Trouble

Hotelier and so called ‘Queen of Mean’ Leona Helmsley left $12m to her Maltese pup Trouble when she died in 2007. That’s $12m more than she left two of her grandchildren, who were not surprisingly, pretty pissed off!
They contested the will in court and the judge ruled to cut Trouble’s inheritance down to $2m, awarding $6m between the disinherited grandchildren, the rest going to a charitable trust.

Trouble became both wanted and hated, obliviously receiving numerous death and kidnapping threats (resulting in a personal bodyguard being employed) for the four years that she outlived her owner, passing in 2011.

Rumour has it, against the law, the two were secretly re-united in a privately owned mausoleum.


Sounds like an episode from the Kar-dachshunds

In 2010, socialite Gail Posner, left her mansion (later sold for $8.4m) and $3m in a trust fund for her pooch Conchita and her canine sisters Lucia and April Marie.

Each dog had their own room in the mansion and travelled to the pet-spa every week in a gold Cadillac. It’s worth noting that $27m was left to her house staff, under the understanding that they would continue to look after the spoilt pups. A move which led to legal action by her son (who only received $1m), contesting the will, claiming conspiracy.

Apparently Conchita loves shopping, ‘wears a diamond collar from Tiffanys and likes to sleep in a cashmere sweater.’ Sounds like a diva to me.


Clucking Hell!

Miles Blackwell and his wife were well known for their caring of animals after setting up the Tubney Charitable Trust in 1997. Sadly in 2002 the couple died, just weeks apart. Miles, a publishing tycoon, who died shortly after his wife, had already laid plans to leave £10m to his favourite pet, his hen Gigoo. I imagine she lived an egg-tremely lavish lifestyle.


Puss in Loots

Ben Rea, a reclusive millionaire antiques dealer, decided to ignore his family in his will, instead opting to give almost his entire estate to Blackie, his remaining feline companion from a group of 15. £7m went to the lucky mog, and most of the remaining estate was split between 3 cat charities, with the instruction to care for his beloved kitty.


Meow Bella

After being rescued off the Italian streets at the age of 4, Tommasino the moggy, a former stray, was left $13m (partly cash and also 3 properties) by its owner Maria Assunta, a childless widow of a Italian real estate investor. When Maria’s health began to deteriorate, she began a search to find someone or an organisation to look after her feline friend. After the search became fruitless, she decided instead to transfer all the funds to the new-minted meowionaire after her passing in 2011.


Barking Mad

Californian prune rancher Tom Shewbridge left 29,000 shares in a local electric company to his two dogs Mac and George in 1958. The dogs regularly attended stockholders and board of directors meetings for years after his death and were obviously seen as important steakholders.


All the lonely doggies

Eleanor Ritchey, heiress to the Quaker State Oil Company, left her $4.5m fortune to her 150 dogs, who she adopted as abandoned pooches, when she died in 1968.

The will was contested, and in 1973 the dogs received an inflated $9m. By the time the estate was finally settled, its value had jumped to $14m but only 73 of the dogs were still alive. When the last dog died in 1984, the remainder of the estate went to the Auburn University Research Foundation for research into canine disease.


A different kinda cat house

Animal lover Jonathan Jackson died around 1880. In his will, he stated that “It is man’s duty as lord of animals to watch over and protect the lesser and feebler.”

His further instruction was to leave money for the creation of a cat house. A place where the cats could enjoy human comforts such as bedrooms, a dining hall, an exercise room, an auditorium to listen to live accordion music (do cats like accordion music?) and a roof designed for climbing without risking any of their nine lives.


Every dog has its day!

Dorothea Edwards, having died at the age of 80, left instructions with her family that her pacemaker be donated to an animal. Although legally in the US, a pacemaker cannot be transferred from person to person, there is no law that can stop the transfer to an animal that has a cardiovascular system.

So who would the lucky beneficiary be? The answer is; Sunshine, a 9½-year-old German Shepherd mix who had had a pretty woof time of it.

Sunshine was adopted by neighbours Cindy and John Wren when the dog’s home was raided by SWAT and the occupants were arrested for running a drug and prostitution ring. Her owner turned out to be Number 2 on the FBI’s Most Wanted List!

After that, the Wrens tried to rehabilitate the dog, both physically and mentally. But in 1998, Sunshine had lost her way, lost her appetite and began fainting often. Medical examinations revealed that she had a congenital heart defect and required a pacemaker to be surgically implanted.

After several unsuccessful procedures, Dorothea’s life saving legacy (a brand new, state-of-the-art pacemaker) was attached to Sunshine’s heart, the surgery a complete success.

What a beautiful story! Wonder when the film will come out?!


Material boy

In 1991, German Countess Karlotta Liebenstein left $80m to her canine companion Gunther III, on his passing the fortune went to his son, imaginatively named Gunther IV. His caretakers invested the dogs funds in various things over the years, ballooning the $80m to a barking $372m!

Named the richest pet in the world by Guinness World Records, Gunther IV has his own personal maid, eats caviar daily and owns mansions around the world.

He was listed as the buyer of Madonna’s Miami mansion in 2000. The sale was part of a publicity stunt involving a mystery buyer group called Gunther Corp and was bought for Gunther to share with a ‘multimedia’ musical group called The Burgundians.

Nope, never heard of them either. Something smells a little fishy here.


Got the purr-fect idea for your own animal inspired deathwish?

At DeadHappy, we have hundreds of thousands of deathwishes made by our customers. And while most of us haven’t got the millions to leave to our pets, maybe this has inspired you to think about ‘who’s going to look after my adored pooch, moggy, pig, hamster, snake, tarantula, goldfish or tortoise when I’m gone?’ (because let’s face it, they’ll outlive all of us).

Well, we’ve got your covered there as there’s a deathwish for that.

The ultimate karma bomb!

Anything slightly anarchic really gets our blood pumping here at DeadHappy so when we read this deathwish from the vigilante TJ (identity protected – because quite frankly, we wouldn’t want to ruin the surprise for anyone) we just had to get in touch.

The little rebel had this to say:

‘So he was my boss at the last pub I worked at and he was the most arrogant man on the planet who would just mope about spreading his misery and gloom everywhere. He treated the staff like slaves and he was better than just about anyone! Honestly if the queen visited he would have expected her to curtsey to him.. He was a knob. He hated any guests with an allergy, or kids, or elderly family members. The man was a total penis. That’s when inspiration hit!

Penis…. Glitter?

Glitter Bomb!

Penis glitter bomb ?

If the man is going to act like a colossal knob then upon my death bed I shall have my revenge with an explosive bomb of penis glitter’

We can see the ex-bosses face now TJ, also when they’re still picking penis glitter out of their tea a month later, it’s just the deathwish that just keeps on giving.


Deathwishes don’t have to be about money – although that does help get stuff done. Deathwishes were created by DeadHappy to get people to think about what they want to happen when they die.

Once you’ve created one, share it. Don’t keep it a secret!

Fancy showering someone in glitter when you die or have another brilliant insurrectionary idea?  We really, really want to hear about it.

Connect with your inner rebel. Create an awesome Deathwish, you know you want to.

Vive la revolution!


According to ONS figures, the upcoming month of March is the most fatal period of the entire year, with more deaths worldwide in the third calendar month than at any other time.

Grieving family members might be able to seek solace in the fact that there are hundreds of funeral home names which have a sense of humour. But which are the funniest, we wondered?

We compiled a list of all the wild and ridiculous names out there, and then asked people to rank what they thought were the funniest, and these are the results…


Minge Funerals

When taking over Minge Funerals from Claude and Elizabeth Minge, Sally Harrington and her husband Scott decided the Minge brand and values were too important to change. Located in South Australia, they continue to deliver burial or cremation services at the generous Minge Chapel which seats over 150 people. Spacious, right?


Amigone Funeral Home

Located across 14 locations serving Western New York State, Amigone funerals begs the question, are they really gone?


Slaughter & Son Funeral Directors

Not to be mistaken for a butchers shop (pretty easy mistake), Slaughter & Son Funeral Directors is located in Chicago, Illinois. Despite this being a pretty awkward word to associate with funerals, the directors still manage to bring in customers who seem oblivious to the rather hilarious name.


Hollerbach Funeral Home

We may be wrong, but we don’t think that the dead can exactly ‘holler back’? Perhaps in 1926, when the Chicago based funeral home was established, ‘holler’ didn’t have quite the same meaning then as it does now…


Bruce & Stiff Funeral Home

Sorry, Bruce and what? We know that your company name should reflect the profession you are in, but surely this funeral home in Virginia has taken that just a little bit too literally?


Downer Funeral Home

Funerals can be a bit of a downer, can’t they? Nick J. Downer, owner of Downer Funeral Home in Connecticut, obviously agrees. What we want to know is, did he go into funerals because of his surname, or is it just a bit of an unhappy coincidence?


Go As You Please Funerals

This might be a bit tricky for some of the guests, but Go As You Please seems to offer an open door policy to funeral seekers. Claimed to be the largest independent Funeral Directors in the North East, the company prides itself on its flexible nature to deliver.


Resurrection Funeral Home

Do our eyes deceive us or is this funeral home offering a path back to life? This parlour in Michigan provides both funerals and cremations – if you have both together, does it come with a free resurrection? Asking for a friend.


Cease Funeral Home

Perhaps a play on the word deceased, or perhaps derived from their embalmer Ed Cease, this funeral home is enough to make anyone take a double look. Founded in 1901 in Minnesota, this is one of the oldest funeral homes on our list. Really, if you ask us, that’s more than enough time for a quick name change…