We built this city* …on sausage rolls, yes really. *deathwish
Who knew sausage rolls evoked so much emotion in people?! In fact, us Brits seem to love them so much we even mention them in our deathwishes. Yes, that’s right we care about them so much we even want to make sure people enjoy them after we’re gone. We want it to be the thing […]
Andy Knott
October 30, 2020
Who knew sausage rolls evoked so much emotion in people?!
In fact, us Brits seem to love them so much we even mention them in our deathwishes.
Yes, that’s right we care about them so much we even want to make sure people enjoy them after we’re gone.
We want it to be the thing people will remember about our funeral or wake party, it’ll be our warm, flaky, and sometimes deliciously greasy legacy that we’ll leave behind…
Move over Greggs and LadBaby, it’s our turn to exploit a humble flaky pastry wrapped savoury snack.
And to prove we’re not pulling your leg, here’s a few to get your taste buds tingling…
# DEATHWISH 1
Beer & Sausage Rolls
Make sure the buffet after my funeral is paid for, and the rest to be put behind the bar or in the jukebox.
Someone, please put All Around My Hat by Steeleye Span on. Cheers.
# DEATHWISH 2
Pay for my funeral
Bury me in a forest and then go eat sausage rolls with ketchup.
Get Carmelina’s funeral directors in Shipley to do it. Ta.
# DEATHWISH 3
Road Trips!!!!
Have an amazing adventure. Stock up on sausage rolls and glass bottle Iron Bru and pickled onion monster munch.
# DEATHWISH 4
Fund my wake party
Please play the soundtrack to Tony Hawk pro skater 3 throughout my entire funeral. I don’t want anything religious. Everyone must cry at least a bit.
I would like an open mic for everyone to tell a joke at my expense.
The refreshments will be Greggs vegan sausage rolls and white wine from Lidl. Diet Coke for the kids.
# DEATHWISH 5
Cash Payout
I want a free bar at my wake…
…and the best funeral sausage rolls that money can buy..ta!
# DEATHWISH 6
Waking the Dead Grand Bash
DEATHWISH #6
Waking the Dead Grand Bash
So, I want a fire breathing stripper(s) but depending on the venue, I’ll be fine with fire eating burlesque.
An open bar is a must, if I’m having people get up early enough to mourn and be all sad for me, i at least when them to drown their sorrows, none of this 1 free drink per person shit, I want to at least meet someone in hell after the wake.
Obviously there should be a buffet, mini sausage rolls or something, I’m not overly picky, just as long as there is at least 1 chocolate fountain.
On events leading up to my death, I will record an hour long video of myself, sitting in a chair, talking to the camera as if I’m addressing everyone, talking, and having a drink, so there might need to be a tv and DVD player somewhere in the corner.
So there you go folks!
Whether meaty or vegan, or somewhere in between it appears that as a nation, we love our sausage rolls, enough to take them beyond the grave. But why stop there? Why not ask to be buried with a pack or two of your favourite sausage goodies just in case you need a little snack on your way to the afterlife, we’ve heard it’s a long way down.
Make sausage roll deathwish **Other deathwishes vailable
Need more inspiration?
Sit back and enjoy LadBaby’s 2018 UK Christmas Number One, ‘We Built This City …on Sausage Rolls!’
Right, I’m off to Greggs…